Steady, trooper. England's team may be entering the next Ashes Test now 2-0 down, yet not all among supporters is fazed. There is one group perfectly suited for this scenario, a crack(pot) unit who consider themselves the ultimate masters of adversity. Are hopes dashed? Is the disappointment beneath the weight of crushing defeat? Then it's time, enlist with the Barmy Army.
Already, their early arrivals are gathering in Adelaide, the city where they were established 30 years ago. England's best-known – and by headcount noisiest – travelling fans will be dreaming of an triumphant anniversary upset, reminiscent of the one they witnessed on that historic tour. Furthermore whatever happens on the pitch, off it the revelries will be extensive and boisterous.
"The on-field action been extremely disappointing," a veteran states, "however we're the fortunate few, because we're on holiday. It's probably harder for the people at home."
Despite Bazball's nuclear implosion doesn't trouble this group of seasoned campaigners. They've been watching England's top-order failures since earlier than many current players started playing. They've seen more dropped catches than key pacemen have career scalps. Their collective record as an Ashes touring group stands at: played 37, lost 27, won 6. Those who understand how to endure a whitewash, it's the founding members.
Indeed, if you're watching, the Barmy Army are seen to be ubiquitous during this Ashes. Host broadcasters at the grounds often appear keener to feature the Barmies than on their own fans. Sports networks regularly use them as atmosphere-building buildup to a day's play. Remarkably the athletes on the field acknowledge them, as a supporter portraying a royal figure conducting a rendition of a national hymn.
Perhaps that the Barmy Army's mix of longevity and omnipresence has now masked quite how extraordinary their rise of travelling fandom has been. Three decades ago a few travelling fans were united in comical humour about failure at England's dismal away record. In the present day their story is so synonymous with the men's Test side that their vibrant, "unique" crowd is virtually establishment itself. They've certainly come a far since the early days.
One veteran recalls the buoyant hope of the series start of that formative tour. After the Australians on top, he led a small conga in the stands, winding up the Australian supporters with a chant about historical figures. "The Aussie fans hurled abuse at us, then threw plastic cups – the treatment that we sometimes receive today," he remembers. "Yet when we got back our modest following of England followers had all participated."
Following an early setback, England's tour suffered more defeats. Any supporter travelling with the team around the country was considered truly dedicated. By the time the bigger venues their numbers had increased to the hundreds. The squad, however, came to value their noise at the grounds. When England secured a face-saving victory, a star beckoned a fan leader up to the team balcony to lead the festivities. Such camaraderie has endured.
But then, the significant volume the Barmy Army can attract are as appealing to the English game as they are to host grounds. For this series alone, their travel packages will accommodate thousands of paying travellers. Numerous celebrations are scheduled for the 30th anniversary.
This is, after all, an organisation born of cricketing passion and entrepreneurial spirit. The explanation they date themselves to a particular match is because that was when they started producing merchandise. The limited early stock was so quickly sold out – and profitable – that it began a thriving business. Since then, the original members have helped turn a pub-based supporters into an respected sports tourism business.
That brings its own complexities, notably at a time when sport is attempting to move beyond some of its rowdy image. The Barmy Army's leadership are eager to highlight that a significant portion of their supporters on tour are now female. With societal shifts, the chants have had to get more family-friendly, too. "Comments that you'd say 30 years ago you must avoid now, and that's correct," says a representative. "We can't tell someone how to behave in their own space, but we will not promote songs that are insulting."
Might the Barmy Army mellow naturally? The demographic is now nearing their fifth decade – similar to the founders themselves, who have been pleased to withdraw from the daily operation. One founder is enjoying this tour purely as a fan – leaving a fresh team to manage the Barmy Army's digital presence. "We forget how hard it used to be to coordinate with each other," he laughs. "Our method was all by word of mouth – 'everyone's going to the pub!'"
As for this Ashes series, the faint hope of a historic comeback persists, which is classic Barmy Army indeed. And if England do lose in Adelaide … well, future travels is always an option.